Friday’s — well it wasn’t exactly a hit job — what should we call it? I think, Fan Fic? Fan Fiction is basically where people take their favorite show, book or movie and develop their own stories for the characters. It’s responsible for some really bad writing and lots of gratuitous sex, but it’s also responsible for the billion dollar 50 shades franchise, which was Erika Mitchell’s kinky fan fic for the Twilight series. In this version, the love triangle centers around the principle characters of the New England Patriots for the last 20 years.
No cheating accusations, no conspiracies (really), just palace intrigue and open and juicy unanswered questions and also the new tidbit that Bill Belichick personally awards a Patriot Of The Week award now (good scoop, Seth!). My read on the piece is that it’s generally true without being accurate. It gathers a growing sense that there may be a rift, while suggesting there is evidence without presenting any. I’m actually shocked, Wickersham never brought up Belichick high-fiving the offense after scoring on Miami late. I mean, what’s more scandalous than that?!
The biggest problem with the piece is that Wickersham never entered the building and likely never talked to anyone of import in the story. Maybe he talked to Guerrero or McDaniels or Patricia or one of the younger coaches, but no one who knows anything about what he’s purporting to know. So it’s just idle workplace gossip and rumor-mongering, which as we’ve learned is sort of Wickersham’s thing.
Worse than the Gatorade piece, Wickersham doesn’t even put quotes in the piece, this one is completely unsourced, I counted six quotations that hadn’t seen published previously, which are nowhere near the explosive parts. I’d imagine his primary source was listening to Michael Lombardi’s GM Podcast at the Ringer, which lets be honest is sort of this bloggers thing. In the best spots of the ESPN article, we’re reading an outsider’s opinion with ZERO sourcing. Many Patriots reporters have already poked some significant holes in it like Jimmy Garopollo being locked out of TB-12 and the Patriot of the Week “Rift”.
All that said, it’s fun to wonder about the Game of Thrones machinations. And Wickersham does set a very nice scene despite putting no flesh on the bone. Also the way he writes real adult human beings as tween Vampires is compelling, but it’s just a piece of fun. Wickersham even mentioned it.
That being said if you’re sick of ESPN and all this stuff, all you have to do is stick your head in the sand until Wickersham insists in three days there will be a follow-up article that has WAY MORE information. That’s when you know this story has lost it’s juice.
Now that we’ve dispensed with adorable caricatures. Let’s talk about some stats that could make history.
- 2 MVP SEASONS, 0 SUPER BOWLS. Hell Hath No Fury Like A Brady Scorned, I always believed that being snubbed for MVP by the dumbfuck AP award consensus motivated Brady to win Super Bowls. But now that AP writers finally ran out of MVP candidates: Aaron Rodgers and Cam Newton were mentioned early on, Alex Smith died and was resurrected, but everyone had a new shiny object, Todd Gurley who led the league in all-purpose yards, but come on. I certainly don’t think he’s a better running back than LeVeon Bell or Ezekial Elliot, though I am quite sure he’s probably a nicer person to women. No, in the year of our lord, Tom Brady, the MVP will be the physically atrophying Tom Brady. Not sure that says a lot for the NFL going forward if everyone agrees the old man has turned into a pumpkin, but he’s far and away the best player in the NFL.Brady has this humongous, enormous monkey of his back. Never won a championship when he’s won the MVP (’07, ’10). Everyone says, oh yeah, Brady he’s good, but can he win when he’s declared the MVP?! Never seen proof. The offense scored a league best 48 offensive TDs. It’s fine, but let’s not act like it means anything for a 40 year old to win the MVP. One of the three best players in football for 2 decades winning his third MVP in his 18th season in the season that marks his decline without his most reliable weapon.
Anyone buying this? (Phone Rings) “Oh, hey, CBS NFL Show.” “Phil and Boomer are in?” “I’ll send the talking points. (pause) Great, yeah, I know right, when’s he going to win the big one? Dude sucks!”
- CAN BDB (Bend, but don’t break) GET A LITTLE SNAP BACK? The Patriots defense has only 18 turnovers (12 INTS, 6 FF) heading into the playoffs. This puts a pretty heavy load on the offense to drive the field every time. The other AFC teams turn the ball over pretty well.
Jacksonville: 33 TOs (21 INT,12 FF)
Kansas City 26 TOs (16, 10)
Buffalo 25 TOs (18,7)
Pittsburgh 22 TOs (16,6)
Tennessee 21 TOs (12,9)
So let’s keep those deep balls, tight, eh, big guy? - JUMP THOSE GOALLINE ROUTES, PLEASE, JUST ONCE: Only Three teams did not score a TD on a Defensive Snap (INT, FUM or Blocked Kick): Patriots, Raiders and Jets.
- 69 AND FEELING FINE. The offense ignoring Rob Gronkowski against the Jets, left his catches for the season at 69. My Gronk Playoff prediction: 3 straight weeks of 23 catches, to complete the Full John Holmes in the Super Bowl.
- CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE: Belichick has rightly gotten a lot of credit for the Patriots success, but he’s lucky to have the offensive leadership he has. Here are the Offensive DVOA numbers since 2012 when McDaniels returned from the Rams — 2017: 1, 2016: 2, 2015: 5, 2014: 6, 2013: 5, 2012: 1 — Six straight years of top-6 efficiency, the lowest being the year they had the best defense in the league.
- RAT TALLY:
BAL: 22-26 and 0 visits to the playoffs. Flailing. And lost Dean Pees.
IND: 20-28 and 0 visits to the playoffs. Fired coach and GM.
NYJ: 19 – 29 and 0 sniffs to the playoffs. Mike Kensil and Seth Wickersham’s beloved team sucks. Plus their owner moved to London to be the ambassador, isn’t that odd? The London Jets sounds really nice, doesn’t it? If Goodell’s global expansion includes sending the Jets to another country, his entire past is redeemed. Please please please.
NEP 43-10 (and counting) 3 visits to the playoffs, 1 Super Bowl (and counting).So sweet, I know it will, but I hope this never changes. - PLAYOFF BRADY IS GOING TO NEED HIS OWN WING IN CANTON: Tom Brady is 25-9 in the playoffs. If you combine Terry Bradshaw and Troy Aikman’s playoff wins and losses over 24 years in the league it comes out to 25-9. Two of the winningest QBs combined. Brady will hopefully pass them this year.
Patriots fans gripe that Brady’s stats decline in the playoffs against better competition. But the NFL should be kissing his honey dew melons, Brady keeps it interesting, he has seven 4th Quarter comebacks in 34 starts. That’s more than 20% of the games he starts in the playoffs have a lead change in the 4th quarter, that’s crazy. And his 10 Game winning Drives in 25 wins… dude keeps it close, but when it matters he wins. We’re lucky to have him, even if we wish Jimmy G was still under contract waiting in the wings for a little while longer… sigh.
- A NEW CHALLENGER WILL HAVE TO UNSEAT THE PATRIOTS: Only 5 teams have knocked the Patriots out of the playoffs since Brady took over for Bledsoe: DEN (’05, ’13, ’15 seasons), NYG (’07, ’11 seasons), IND (’06 season), NYJ (‘10’), BAL (’09, ’12) and none of them made the playoffs. Welcome to the Bills!
Lastly, between Dan Shaughnessy’s now-forgotten screams for attention and Wickersham’s “fiction” piece, we see the media grabbing for narratives to spur clicks and muddy another Patriots playoff run (remember SpyGate’s reemergence during the 08′ Super Bowl week), but it feels different this time. Feels like Patriots fans collectively have the outrage in check this time, feels like the narratives are particularly parsed and nuanced and it feels like the spirit isn’t there anymore. For proof, just look at Manish Meyta’s lunacy or MMQB grabbing as hard as it could to the Wickersham piece… don’t worry, we have this upcoming month to enjoy.
My advice, light a fire in the fireplace, mute Jim Nantz and Romo, crank up the ‘Zo and Socci and ride this mother fucker.
My Patriot of The Week goes to you, the fan, for ignoring this shit and keeping that TB12 avatar, sports is fun…
