A History of Tom Brady Hot Taeks by Chris Simms

Usually, I ignore the trolls here on the blog. I try to stick to football and educated analysis because there’s an entire market out there for people saying stupid things to get attention. And nothing gets easier attention with the NFL than someone saying something stupid about the Patriots. But when Chris Simms pops up for the THIRD TIME in two years on Boston media to tell us that Tom Brady isn’t a top-5 QB anymore, he needs to be called out.

First, I don’t give a shit about anyone’s rankings. I really don’t. Everyone’s got their top-5 this and their top-5 that and really, none of them matter. It’s all arbitrary opinions and everyone is entitled to their opinion and rankings however they want. My superpower is that I don’t get riled up by other people’s arbitrary rankings. What interests me is football. What happens on the field. Strategy. Not how a random someone stacks individual players in their own mind. You think Andrew Luck is the best quarterback in the league? Great for you.

But Chris Simms is an idiot and maybe if his dumb takes were a little more creative or at least backed up with, you know, facts, I’d have some respect for him. Let’s remember Simms coached with the Patriots for a season in 2012. Not that that should mean he’s pissing rainbows and happiness all over Brady and the Pats all the time, but maybe have a little respect? Or at least put forth some intelligent analysis about them?

Let’s take a look back at Simm’s horrible Patriots takes.

November 2014: Tom Brady is not a Top-5 Quarterback

“Tom Brady’s not in my top five. I mean, he’s still really good, but I like other guys better. I’d go Aaron Rodgers one, Andrew Luck two, Ben Roethlisberger three, Russell Wilson four and Peyton five.”

Then he went on Felger and Mazz to expand on these thoughts:

“If Andrew Luck doesn’t throw for 400 yards and four touchdowns, they can’t win a game. He doesn’t have Jonas Gray and the offensive line the New England Patriots do where they can run for 250 yards in a game. … I don’t think anybody bears the weight of the organization on their shoulders week in and week out more than Andrew Luck.”

Andrew Luck doesn’t have Jonas Gray. The guy who barely saw a carry after running roughshod over the Colts in one game and was then cut the following season.

March 2015: Brady shouldn’t have won the Super Bowl MVP

I don’t think he should have won the MVP, either. That’s just the way I think about it. He had a really good game against a really good defense, but he threw like 35 five-yard passes the whole game. I think in my estimation, (Julian) Edelman should have been the MVP.”

Guess Simms missed the 3rd-and-14 strike to Edelman that went for 21 yards and the 22-yard TD pass to Gronk? There’s a whole faction of football fans who believe if you’re not chucking the ball 20 yards down the field every snap you’re not a good quarterback. Well, if that’s the case why doesn’t everyone “dink-and-dunk”? Why aren’t there more systems that only ask their quarterbacks to make easy short throws? Maybe because it’s not that easy?

May 2015: Brady the only QB to go below 12.5 PSI

“He’s the only one I know that goes below the legal limit. I will say that. That’s for sure. At some point, something was said as far as, ‘Hey, let’s push the limit of going below 12.5. Now, we’re never going to get that definitive answer because Tom didn’t cooperate with the investigation fully. He didn’t turn over his cell phone. But I’ll say this, too: He’s got to get suspended – first of all for not even cooperating with the investigation.”

Full Deflategate Truther right there. You almost have to respect his full commitment to the NFL’s manufactured story of it. But yeah, not sure where Simms gets his info from because you know there was never any evidence of Brady ever wanting footballs below the legal limit. But Simms must know. He must. Right?

September 2015: Nope, Tom Brady still is not a Top-5 Quarterback

“My big issue with Tom Brady really is, ever since he hurt his knee to start the season in 2008 — of course he’s been awesome, I know that — but his mechanics changed, his ability to throw the ball down the field was not nearly as effective as he was before the knee (injury).”

Simm’s Top-5 at this point? Aaron Rodgers, Andrew Luck, Ben Roethlisberger, Russell Wilson and Tony Romo. But here we go again with the “he can’t throw deep anymore”. Seriously that’s like priority one in Simms’ QB rankings. And for what it’s worth, Brady’s career yards-per-attempt? 7.4. Simms’ dad Phil’s? 7.2.

August 2016: Brady still, still, still not a top-5 QB

“He’s one of the three greatest quarterbacks of all time, but they pay me to evaluate football. I’m a realistic person. To say that Tom Brady is still one of the five best quarterbacks at 39 years old is a little crazy. It would be like saying Kobe Bryant’s still one of the five best players in the NBA.

They pay him for this!! He’s realistic!!! Really!!! His current top-5: Aaron Rodgers, Cam Newton, Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck, and Ben Roethlisberger. The Kobe comparison sums it all up. How is this an apt comparison? Kobe was done. Kobe is retired. How can you make that comparison after Brady’s 2015 season? Did Brady look even close to done? Just look at the last drive of the season. Willing a near-impossible drive against a defense playing as well as any in recent history to come within a two-pointer from sending the game to overtime. Did he see the fourth-down throw to Gronk? Or the touchdown throw to Gronk? They either need to pay him more or he needs to be more realistic.

“I do think as a sports fan, communities, all of us, people have a hard time putting these fairy tale endings to bed. Mickey Mouse isn’t real.”

Yes, that’s it. People thinking Tom Brady is a top-5 quarterback is equivalent to believing Mickey Mouse is real. I get it now. Such a good point, Chris.

Look, if Simms wants to say Brady isn’t as good as he was in the 2007 season, let him say that. But it’s like he gathered up all the stupid Pats/Brady takes from the last decade and melded them into one “he’s not top-5” take. He can’t throw the deep ball. He’s too old now. He’s got better coaching. He’s got better teammates. He’s a system quarterback who can only dink and dunk. We’ve heard it all so many times.

But what he can’t explain is how in 2013 and 2015, with a team ravaged by injuries, not to mention incredible turnover at the WR position in 2013, the Pats offense never missed a beat. Why? Because Brady don’t care and he can still lead any team to a win over any team in the NFL on any given Sunday.

Every game, no matter who he’s throwing to or has protecting him, he keeps his team in it. He’s never laid a turd like Peyton Manning or Cam Newton did in the Super Bowl. In fact, in all six Super Bowls he’s been in he’s given his team the lead late in the fourth quarter. Two were game-winning field goals, two the defense got the final stops, and twice the defense didn’t get a stop. But every time Brady had his team in position to win.

Okay, rant over. We can all go back to ignoring Chris Simms until he comes back on Boston radio to tell us Brady still, still, still, still isn’t top-5. Or maybe he’ll wait until Brady is retired and then he’ll actually be right and he can say, “see, toldya!!”

UPDATE 2018! Congrats to Tom Brady for finally breaking into Chris Simms’ Top 5!

Chris Simms’ top 16 QBs. Rodgers above Brady is one thing…. But Wilson over Brady????????????? Cousins over Rivers?????????? Brees at 10?????????? WUT?!pic.twitter.com/eRhmyVFf5w

— Prime Bam Childress (@fearthe_beard11) August 23, 2018

Update 2019: Brady is back out of the top 5, dropping all the way to number nine after, checks notes… leading his team to a sixth Super Bowl. Surely Tom Brady will looking for a way to climb back up Chris Simms’ definitive rankings.