bill belichick

The Boston media was clamoring this morning when Patriots coach Bill Belichick was the only NFL head coach to blow off the breakfast interview circuit. Yes, Belichick did speak with the media yesterday, touching on topics like the proposed change to kickoffs, and other gems as recounted by Mike Reiss below:

The importance of draft picks as a commodity compared to other years when there was free agency before the draft. “I think they’re an important part of your team-building process, but they always are. I don’t think that changes.” 

Do those picks increase in value? “I don’t know. I think they are important.” 

On the team’s No. 28 overall draft pick being available in a trade. “I don’t know. We’ve traded them before. We haven’t traded them.” 

His philosophy on trading draft picks. “My philosophy is to try to do what’s best for the football team. Plain and simple.” 

On being reluctant to trade up. “We’ve traded up before.” 

So in an effort to appease those like Greg Bedard of the Boston Globe who tweeted…

Belichick should have talked today because Patriots fans deserve to hear about the team. He didn’t talk at combine. There’s a lockout.

We’ve put put together an imaginary breakfast interview with the coach to illustrate why “In Bill We Trust” hoodie heads like myself don’t really give a shit that he didn’t talk today…

Q: Rex Ryan said today he took the benching of Wes Welker as a sign of respect, could you comment on that?

What they want to hear: Obviously having Wes go and make personal comments about another team’s coach is not what we’re looking for so I sat his ass down to let him think about what a moron he was. Obviously that ended up basically costing us the game, right fellas?

What they would here: I was just trying to make decisions that are in the best interest for the team.

Q: Now that you’ve had some time to go back and look at the film exactly what went wrong in that loss to the Jets?

What they want to hear: Well TFB played like shit, Patrick Chung dropped the ball, literally. Our defense didn’t get a turnover for the first time in forever. Jets played just about flawlessly. We were outcoached and outplayed, but not outclassed and that’s all that matters!

What they would hear: Just didn’t do enough to win.

Q: There’s a lockout going on right now, how does that effect your offseason?

What they want to hear: Well obviously we have a huge list of free agents like Steve Smith, Chad Ochocinco, Antonio Cromartie, Eric Smith, Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes that we’d like to pursue, so that’s all on hold. Basically any Free Agent who played for the Jets because they are awesome. Or over-priced, over- aged wide receivers with no experience in our system. We want a bunch of those too.

What they would hear: We’re just getting ready for the draft, when they tell us Free Agency is starting we’ll get into that too.

Q: There are rumors that you’d like to trade the 28th pick, is that accurate?

What they want to hear: Absolutely. Ideally we’d like to get into the top ten to get Robert Quinn since our pass rush is obviously the one and only thing we’ll try to address in this draft. But if he’s not there then maybe we look at Aldon Smith a little later. I’d just trade all our picks to get to that number one overall slot. Then we can pick the can’t miss player of our choice.

Either way I just want to make it clear to the other 31 teams what our intentions are and what players we like so they can have every advantage in making sure that it doesn’t happen for us.

What they would hear: We’ll do what we think is best for the team.

Q: Tom Brady was last seen dancing in Brazil, can you comment on his recovery from foot surgery.

What they want to hear: I was really impressed with TFB’s dance moves, for a white guy he sure dances like a white guy. Maybe we can get Braylon Edwards to teach him how to Dougie.

As for his foot he fractured the third bone in his right foot during the sixth offensive pay against the Ravens. The bad news is that if anyone or anything lands directly on it next season it will snap in half like a chicken bone in Rexy jowels. So let’s make sure that all the defenders we have to play against are well aware of that and know not to hit him too hard, especially on his foot.

What they would hear: I’m sure Tom’s doing whatever he needs to do to prepare for next season. We expect he’ll be ready to go.

Q: Randy Moss expressed great admiration and respect for you and the Patriots. Any chance you bring him back?

What they want to hear: Are you kidding me? Did you miss the fact that he can only run one route now, and when he’s not running that one route he’s getting loco crazy at press conferences? Have you been paying attention? Does that seem like the kind of guy we want back here? Wake up.

What they would hear: Randy’s a great player and we have all the respect in the world for him. We’ll evaluate our options this offseason as it develops.

Q: Reports are that you’ve worked really hard to bring back Logan Mankins, but that Robert Kraft has balked at paying him what you want to pay him. Could you comment?

What they want to hear: Logan is a badass mauler and exactly the kind of player that we try to bring in here. We value trench players on both sides of the ball very highly and if Mr Kraft would just open up the purse strings a little bit we could lock him up long term no problem. If you’re going to cook the dinner you’d at least hope they’d let you buy the groceries.

What they would hear: We can’t have any discussions about contracts until the lock out is resolved. Logan is a great player and we’d love to have him back.

Q: The Patriots haven’t won a playoff game since beating the Chargers in the 2007 AFC Championship games, including two first round exits the last two seasons. Is the magic gone?

What they want to hear: Oh yeah, clearly we just don’t have the players any more to compete in the post season. Sure, we had the best record in the NFL for the regular season, but when you have players who are not named Bruschi, Harrison, Vrabel or Seymour it’s impossible to win a game in the playoffs. We’d renounce the right to play in a playoff game if the NFL would let us because what’s the point really? If we can trade for one of those old Pats, or get some of them like Bru or Hot Rod to come out of retirement, we might actually have a shot again.

What the would hear: Are you a f’ing idiot?